Dalice (__i_believe) wrote in be_jealous,

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Jason my ex now bestfriend

I'm 22, and while i'm still not i'm not one for online dating, or phone personals those (tango personals) that they advertise tv. Well low and behold one night I was utterly bored out of my mind. I had a cell phone, I decided to call (livelinks) After listening to some really digusting personals. I left a message for a guy in iowa. He got back to me a couple of minutes later. We ended up talking for almost an hour. He was a tad older (9 years) but I didn't care...

I was looking for a friend, someone I could relate to. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship (lond distance/online) hence why i HATE them. with a women, he knew I was into girls that is a part of me I don't hide. I never felt the need to be someone I'm not. He asked a bunch of questions, than after his time membership ran out. He gave me his number, it was nearing three in the morning.

So i decided to just go to bed, telling him I'd call him over the weekend. the next day, i couldn't stop smiling I didn't want to tell anyone for fear of jinxing whatever connection I had made. I was watching a movie, and all of a sudden I found myself running my finger over his number, feeling that i should call him.

I did, and we ended up talking nearly every day for almost 5 months. He never did the phone/not meeting thing either, but there was a connection that I have never felt before, like I could tell him everything and he wouldn't judge me, or put me down.

Roughly six month went by and he told me he was honestly falling for me. I was hesitant because I hadn't dated a guy since I was 17, and the last two relationships i had been in were with women. I didn't feel like I was into men anymore, lets just say for arugment sake I was (confused) (i'm bipolar ontop of it) but within a year I was in love with him, we had our long distance relationship. His friends knew about me, his parents knew about me.

And when he called my house, my mom joked around with him. It was perfect. (It's important for my significant other to be able to handle my mom's scarsem...she's really odd) (my ex adriane hates her, and my mom hates adriane) Anyway, as time went on i felt more and more like this man was the one I was going to marry, people called me crazy because I'm pretty much a hippie liberal and he's country conservative christan all the way. (plus we never met - and we still haven't)

While he and I disagreed about issues that were important to me/him (abortion mainly) we didn't let that get in our way. He was aganist it, i'm pro-choice. He also has a daughter who is six now. and a very horrid ex. Again that didn't bother me, I got slack from a few of my friends because I am (childfree) meaning I never ever want children. I however put that aside for love, because it didn't matter to me.

As time went on, we started to grow apart, mainly because I was going through some shit and I kept pushing him away. We ended up breaking up twice, than we got back together and talked about an (open relationship), he is the only guy I know, that felt guilty as hell for having an open relationship. I look back now, and realise it was probably for my own selfish needs/wants. And yet i'm the one that never hooked up with anyone. He did three times I think...

Well this last year toward jan I think, we offically ended it for good, we always said no matter what we'd be friends. we called each other a few times, after that, (it was easier to get over me, if we didn't talk everyday), We mostly talk online now, when he's not working/busy. Well I had gotten sick in may (girl issues which I won't get into) Needless to say I went through a lot in 2005, and the day I had surgery he was the only person I called, infact when I found out that I was having surgery he was the first (non-related) person I told.

I think a huge reason why I ended my relationship with him, is because deep down I knew he wanted another kid, (I know I said i put aside my childfree/ness for him. But for me to have a kid, being bipolar, anexity/panic attack stricken + plus I have pcos and i'm very unhealthy it wouldn't be wise or fair to the child....) and he never wanted to move out of iowa (although he said he would) I couldn't do that to his daughter/parents/sick uncle. Well I called him the day of my surgery and heh odd way I found out he is getting married in januray of 06.

While I think it was selfish for him to tell me the DAY i was going in for surgery I got over it, I am happy for him. and realised we make the best of friends even if we hardly talk anymore. I'll never forget him, and no one in the world could ever take his place. My first boyfriend (david) and I are not even this close, and he was my first. Jason is and will always be my bestfriend even if i never talk to him again....

So the morale of the story is, you can't always pick and choice who you fall inlove with. It could be someone totally random, you've never met. Love is just that, it knows no bounds. Jason has taught me a lot about myself and accpecting who I am as a person, I'm not affraid to be me and be proud of who I am. I've also learned to let myself love and be loved completely(total moulin rouge rip-off) Jason is infact the best thing that's happened to me. and I don't know where I'd be without him
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